I can write 1000 words without really thinking about it.
I’m kind of out of these words, though. I don’t have the right words anymore, for guns and gun control, for religion, for politics, for any of it. I’m having trouble mustering up enough outrage at the moment. The tank is nearing empty.
I’m not smart enough to know the right words.
Take away all the guns. Or give them to everyone.
Ban all the religions. Or make them all illegal except the one most people like.
Execute all the rapists. Or make rape legal.
Live together in harmony. Or only let people live with their own kind.
Let everyone in. Or kick everyone out.
Really try to help people with mental illiness. Or lock them all up.
I’m willing to admit that I don’t have any answers, so maybe I’ll stop talking about the questions.
I have outrage fatigue.
I’m trying not to, but I keep wondering what it must be like, to hide under a desk, or in a bathroom, or under a chair, or in a classroom hoping your not about to get shot and die but kind of knowing that you are. Most of us won’t ever have that feeling. It’s hard to even imagine, but I imagine it anyway.
But you can’t really be sure when you walk out of the door in the morning that you’re coming back, cause the world’s crazy. It’s best not to dwell on it. I guess you should try and at least let people you care about know how you feel, just in case you don’t return.
Someone I knew walked out his door onetime and didn’t come back. He didn’t get shot or anything, but that’s not really important. He did tell everyone to remember the good times, but especially to remember the best. The best times, I guess, the best people. Maybe just whatever you define as the best.
Maybe we should try and remember the best, not just when the bad stuff happens but all the time. Right now. So when the worst happens we won’t feel like we took anything for granted.
Or maybe not. Like I said, I don’t really know anything and you shouldn’t take my word for it.
Some things you know, some things you don’t know, some things you think you know, some things you know you don’t know, some things you don’t know you don’t know.
I make no promises that I will not repeat myself from previous “random” posts.
151. I do not like strawberries but really like strawberry flavor.
152. I do not speak any other languages, even after 8 years of Spanish class. Do other languages have so many words that sound the same? To, two, too. There, their, they’re. Your, you’re. Great, grate. Right, write. By, buy, bye. Minute, minute. Accept, except. Know, no. Why not just make up different words? Did they run out?
153. There’s like two or three countries, including the US, that do not use the metric system. Why is that? How do you even translate miles into kilometers? Another case for American exceptionalism?
154. I use curse words as easily as I breathe and almost no word is out of bounds. Except the word piss. It’s too crass. Pissed off is fine.
155. My favorite day of the week is Wednesday.
156. My favorite time of the day is the morning, especially when it’s still dark out.
157. When I was younger my brother and I watched the hell out of professional wrestling. I remember being disappointed when I realized it was not real. I cheered for Hulk Hogan but secretly Andre the Giant was my favorite. I liked Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s Slim Jim commercials. Oh yeah!
158. Science fiction television shows, movies and books usually portray alien races as homogenous. Based on Earth, though, I think it’s presumptuous to assume that an entire planet would have beings that all look exactly the same and speak the same language.
159. I understand that we need money. But sometimes it perplexes me that a piece of paper can determine a person’s worth and determine their destiny. Someone has more paper than someone else and that makes them a better person?
160. You’re own reality is the only reality.
161. Sometimes I wonder if when I close my eyes everything disappears. Or if anything even exists before and after I perceive it. How do you know that when you turn a corner everything behind you doesn’t instantly disappear? How can you disprove that? If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it…
162. Don’t you think that through the eyes of the British that the American colonists were a bunch of treasonous terrorists?
163. I am a conscientious driver. I think I realized the other day that I may not be a good driver. My mind wanders too much and sometimes I have arrived at my destination without completely recalling how I got there. (Side note – I got in a car accident on the very day I received my drivers license. I probably had it for 2 hours. Also, I got into a car accident on the very first date I had with my wife. The first one may or may not have been my fault. The second one definitely was.)
164. How many car accidents have you been in? I’ve been in 4. Is that a lot? What’s the average?
165. My shoes will not stay tied. I feel like they stayed tied when I was younger. One time at work I stepped on my shoelace getting up from my desk and fell backwards. It was one of the defining moments of my working career. Shoelaces are a big problem in my life and I wear a lot of shoes that don’t have them. I should probably look into works shoes that stay on with Velcro.
166. Shockingly, I was curious about something the other day. I looked up how far it is from the ground to outer space. How far do you think it is?
167. Don’t you sometimes feel like you are either the only sane person in an insane world or the only insane person in a sane world?
168. I play music super loud when no one else is around, especially in the car. But when I have to stop at a red light I turn it down because I don’t want to be that guy.
169. It’s about 90-100 miles or 145-161 kilometers from the ground straight up to outer space. If they could build an inclined road that far up you could drive to space in like two hours max. I thought it would be a lot higher than that!
170. I’ve recently decided I don’t like convertible cars. They don’t seem very practical and I think the roof looks stupid. Apologizes if you own one – I’m not calling you stupid I’m calling your car stupid.
171. Aren’t there some turtles and/or tortoises that live for a super long time? Like hundred(s) of years? How is that even possible? Dogs and cats live for what, 15 years but turtles get to live forever? Why aren’t we getting in on some turtle DNA longevity potion or something?
172. If you live in an apartment or house that you did not have built or you were not the original owner of, do you ever wonder how many people may have died in your house? If you don’t, are you now?
173. What if you didn’t have to sleep? What would you do? Do you think you’d visit friends and have all these hobbies? Or would you just end up super bored?
174. If I were ever to form a band we would be called The Whispering Eyes. You heard me.
175. If I won a lottery or somehow became independently wealthy I’d want to hope I’d be very altruistic and charitable. I know myself well enough to know that I probably would not be. I do have some great plans, though, and they include tattoos (including a prominent neck tattoo), pets (a bunch of cats for my daughter, at least one goat, and a Chihuahua for me that I could carry around in a bag or in my pocket), a bunch of cars (including all kinds of small cars like smart cars, a Volkswagen, whatever Matt Damon was driving in the first Born Identity like a mini-Cooper or whatever. Also, a Humvee or maybe a retrofitted tank that I could drive on the road. At least one of the cars would be fitted with the old-time car horns. Plus, a moped type vehicle like a Vespa that I could put a basket on and drive the Chihuahua around in. I think the dogs name would be Kiwi, like a dog my wife and I saw in a store in Mexico once that I wanted to steal) and all kinds of crazy hairstyles (including mohawks, dying, stripes, rattails, mullets, whatever.) I’d have my wife and daughter buy/build any kind of house anywhere they would like but I’m pretty sure I’d live in a tiny house in the yard with Kiwi.
I’d also host a party where I would burn all of my suits, dress shirts and pants, khakis, ties, dress shoes and black socks. You would all be invited.
176. There is nothing in #175 that I am kidding about.
177. I like coffee. I drink it in the morning to help me wake up and start my day. The longer I drink it during the day, though, the more tired I get.
178. A guy at work said something was “rock-ass solid” the other day. I liked it and told him that I was going to steal it as my new motto. From now on, everything is Rock-Ass Solid.
179. The Mayfair Mall in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin is the most ethically diverse place you can go anywhere in Southeastern Wisconsin, which is not otherwise known for its diversity. I could sit at the mall and watch people walk by all day, especially right outside the Apple store.
180. I think a good movie would be showing what Forrest Gump did in between the times he was running across the country. Seems like he must have gotten into all kinds of mischief.
181. Polka dots are those dots on clothing or whatever. I feel like people pronounce those as “pok-a” dots, or at least I do. Polka is also a kind of dance, and most people pronounce the “l” in polka. I’m not really sure what a polka dot or a polka dance is and how they are related.
182. We’ve come to accept a certain amount of “traveling” in NBA professional basketball and I don’t really like it but it is what it is. They used to call traveling all the time in college basketball but they don’t seem to as much anymore. I’m not sure why but that bothers me.
183. The fact is that unless you catch me off guard chances are I’ve practiced what I am going to say to you multiple times in my head before I say it to you, regardless of who you are.
184. I’ve been listening to a lot of Pandora radio lately. Sometimes I put on the “Grunge” station. Sometimes on their “Grunge” station a Metallica (??) song will come on. At those moments I feel like I’ve missed something entirely, something very important.
185. I’ve decided to use the word ‘literally’ more, and to use it when referring to things figuratively.
186. Any temperature over about 65 degrees F or 18 degrees C starts to be too hot for me.
187. I’m not saying I don’t like sunny days. I do like when it rains, though, especially a slow drizzly rain on a warm spring day.
188. Why do 3 of the seasons have one name but one of them have two? Why don’t we call Spring ‘Grow’ or Summer “Hot” or Winter “Snow’?
189. Does MTV even exist anymore? What shows do they show? Does Kurt Loder still do the news? I know I could watch any music video I wanted to online these days, but if MTV still showed videos all day I think I would watch.
190. I’m disappointed in sports figures who have used steroids or other performance enhancing drugs. I’m fairly confident, though, that if there was enough money on the table for me to gain by taking them I would take them too.
191. We all have sold out at least a little bit, haven’t we?
192. What are the rules for flying the American Flag at half-mast when someone or someones have died? Who decides? How long? I’m sure there are rules.
193. In the book and movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” Willy Wonka tells the children that the “strawberries taste like strawberries. The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.” All of the guests try the edible wallpaper. It has only been within the past year that I learned what a “snozzberry” is and I have not been able to see the movie in the same way ever since.
194. I think you can admire or even “worship” brave and heroic actions. But if you have idols or hero worship of a person you will invariably be disappointed.
195. I think the US prides itself on the idea of individualism, but at the end of the day we want everyone to be the same.
196. Sometimes I think we’d all be better off if we were the same. The problem would be whose sameness would we pick to be?
197. In Star Wars, A New Hope the Empire blows up Princess Leia’s home planet of Alderaan as a way of getting her to reveal where the rebel base was located and to test out their new Death Star. So Princess Leia is one of the, if not the sole survivor of an entire plant and people. Imagine if you were the last person alive after a fascist space regime blew up the Earth. Anyone you ever knew from your relatives to your 1st grade teacher to the dude that bags your groceries at the store would have died. All history and culture and animal species unique to Earth would be gone in an instant. Leia seems sad for a moment. Cut to a few scenes later when Han and Luke are rescuing her and she’s cracking wise with both of them and is pretty feisty for the rest of the movie and the rest of the series. I feel like the blowing up of your home planet would break a person entirely. At the very least it would upset them a little more. Maybe it’s just me, though.
198. You know a lot of stuff and are probably right a lot of the time. But if you think you are right all of the time you are kind of an asshole.
199. Listen. This whole Donald Trump thing is definitely something, disturbing and revealing. I’m not 100% sure it’s real, though. Maybe Donald Trump is the greatest performance artist of all time and we’re being punked. If so I say bravo, Mr. Trump, bravo.
200. For reasons, I would now like to be referred to as Mr. Awesome. Literally.
“If the President does it, that means it’s not illegal”–Richard Millhouse Nixon
I’ve been accused of being many, many things. Most of them are probably accurate. Most of them don’t really bother me. Think what you want, I guess, but I am what I am.
One of the things I’ve been accused of, though, does actually bother me a bit. There is this notion that I am somehow un-American, or anti-American, or against America.
A guy at work once told me there were plenty of other places in the world I could live because I told him I didn’t like the song “God Bless America” and that children should not be required to pledge allegiance to the flag, certainly not if they are pledging to a god.
I know, I’m a terrible person.
None other than my daughter once asked me why it sometimes sounded like I did not like America because of some of the things I say. We talk about a lot of things, my daughter and I, and her question led to a sit down conversation/lecture that I hope she remembers and thinks about when she’s older and can vote and fully participate in this thing we are calling a democracy.
But of the many things I many be, I feel that un-American is not one of them. Quite the opposite. Sometimes I feel like I’m the only American. See, I’m a goddamn Patriot. I’m a Super Patriot. I should wear a cape and a uniform with a big ‘ol ‘SP‘ on the front. I could zip around in my Patriot mobile, explaining to all what it is to be American and why the idea of America is a great thing.
Let me say that I do not claim to be a historian. I’ve learned some things and know some things. There are way more things that I don’t know, however, and they have this thing now called the internet. You can go on this internet and type in few words and learn about anything and everything you’ve ever wanted to learn about, so you don’t have to take my word for it.
What a country!
You probably shouldn’t take my word for much of anything, and if you do that’s your problem.
See, I’m a Patriot because I believe in the United States Constitution. It has it’s flaws, the primary one being that it did not end the enslavement of Americans of African heritage immediately upon it’s ratification.
But it does allow for it’s amendment, and the amending of amendments, and so on. It’s flaws can and have been corrected. And we all or most of us have to agree on it before we change it.
The best part of the US Constitution is right there in the beginning. The first three words. We the People. The last word is pretty inclusive. It says people and does not discriminate based on anything. People, not men or women or a certain man of a certain heritage or ethnic descent. Just We and People. All of us.
The US Constitution is an awesome document. Those old dudes we all read and learned about wrote it and put it out there. It was ratified on June 21st, 1788. On March 4th, 1789, the government that we know up to this present day began operating under this Constitution.
Then the dudes who wrote it and the dudes that ok’d it began to crap on it almost immediately. Do as I say, not as I do I guess.
So tomorrow the excruciatingly long process of electing the next president of these United States begins. It feels like we should be near the end, doesn’t it? Don’t you already have election fatigue, with the cast of characters and how they have dominated all the media we consume? But no, it’s just begun. They are having the caucus in the state of Iowa tomorrow. I’ll admit I’m not exactly sure what a caucus is. I feel like I may have known at some point but I’m not sure of that. I know I can look it up on the previously mentioned internet, but I prefer to let this magical caucus exist for the one day it does. On Tuesday then, ‘poof’, it will be gone, and no one will utter the words ‘Iowa’ and ‘Caucus’ again for four more years. We’ll have those primary elections soon and those seem a little more straightforward than a caucus.
I do wonder, though, if any other of these preliminary elections are also caucuses. If so, how many other caucuses are there? I also wonder if ‘caucuses’ is the correct plural to ‘caucus’? I feel like it should be ‘cauci’ but know it probably isn’t. I really want it to be. Either way, they are all funny sounding. You could say them over and over in any order. You could say them faster and louder and I bet it would eventually sound like nonsense. It may sound like some kind of huge bird or something. Maybe I’ll use it as the call to action of the Super Patriot.
Cauci, Cauci, Caucuses, Caucuses!
Presidential elections, though. Presidents are only 1/3rd of the federal government. And yet we put so much more importance on this branch than the other two. I get it. It’s easier to focus on one person than all the others that make up the government. And it seems natural that the President is the face and spokesperson of the country. But they are not kings (or queens, if that ever happens.) They should not be put up on a pedestal. They are not above the other branches or above anything else, especially the US Constitution. Listen, the Presidents are not the cause of all your problems. They are not the solution to all of your problems, either.
They are people. They are human people. They’re not necessarily or inherently better or worse than you.
Presidents do and have done some good stuff.
Presidents do and have done some bad stuff as well. Sometimes the bad stuff is really bad. Sometimes the bad stuff is illegal. Sometimes that bad stuff is unconstitutional. Sometimes not.
If you took some of the bad stuff some of the Presidents have done and changed or omitted their name you would be shocked that the bad stuff was ever allowed. Then when the names are put back on you see their names and faces on money and buildings and monuments or whatever.
You have opinions and so do I. My opinion is that to be a President you are kind of an asshole. Maybe you did not start out as an asshole, but you certainly became one. If a President is not compromised beforehand they are certainly compromised by the end of their term or terms.
I’ve come to realize that I don’t really like any of the Presidents. I vote for the person who I think is most closely aligned with what I think and with what I believe.
When I vote, though, I’m pretty ambivalent about my choice.
I always have mixed emotions. That’s the best way I can put it.
President’s have always been assholes. Some have been less assholey than others. I do imagine that it must be an almost impossibly hard job to do. I’m not sure I could go to work everyday knowing at least 50% of the people there did not like me and did not think I was doing a good job and said really shitty things about me all the time (some people say shitty things about me at work but not all the time.)
So I’m ambivalent about the Presidents. Some more than others. I guess it’s degrees of ambivalence for me.
If you’ve been keeping up so far you may know I like lists and rankings and stuff. The best I can do is rank the President’s we’ve had based upon my degree of ambivalence toward them. I’m going to rank them from most ambivalent to least. If I feel less ambivalent, though, may not necessarily mean I am any closer to liking said President. It may just confirm how much of an asshole I think they really are.
There have been 44 Presidents. 43 men have taken the oath of office. President Grover Cleveland was elected twice but his terms were not consecutive so they count him twice.
Some of the Presidents I hardly know and neither do you. That doesn’t mean they didn’t do any good or bad stuff. It just means that they didn’t do enough stuff for me to list. I’m not writing a term paper or anything so I can do whatever I want with my list. Here are President’s I’m not including:
Herbert Hoover (Hoover Dam’s really big though)
Chester A. Arthur
William Henry Harrison
Martin Van Buren
James Madison (wasn’t his wife Dolly Madison? Did she make desserts or cakes or something?)
Gerald Ford (fell down a lot)
Warren G. Harding
James K. Polk
Rutherford B. Hayes
John Quincy Adams(when I was young our house was on the corner of Taylor and Adams)
Grover Cleveland x2
Ulysses S. Grant
So there’s 21 of them, in no particular order.
President’s 1-15 did not free enslaved African people or enslaved Americans of African descent. “We the People,” indeed.
President’s 1-26 did were elected before women had the right to vote. “We the…some of the People?”
President’s 17-34 did not do much or enough to enforce the constitutional rights of American’s descendants from Africa, among others.
Here are the other 21 President’s ranked in order of my feelings of ambivalence toward them, from most to least:
George Washington. Father of the country and all. See President’s 1-15. Also, did not have wooden teeth and probably did not chop down a cherry tree.
Thomas Jefferson. Declaration of Independence. Wrote a lot of good words. Did not follow all of them. See President’s 1-15.
William J. Clinton. Still super popular. Impeached. Not for the stuff he did but for the lying. I’m not sure a President should be impeached for cheating on his wife. But if he had just admitted it the whole thing may not have dragged on forever. Also, kind of icky and possibly predatory toward women. He really hasn’t been called out enough for it. Can you imagine if a Republican president was ever as handsy and touchy as Clinton was? He would not be as popular in the media as Clinton continues to be, I can tell you that.
John F. Kennedy. Talk about hero worship. President for two years? Said a lot of good stuff. Almost got us all nuked. Again, tapped anything he could get his hands on.
Barack Obama. Lots of good social stuff. Continues blowing up innocent people around the world. Continues to ignore the unconstitutionality of the Patriot Act, or whatever is left of it.
Dwight D. Eisenhower. So at least he warned us about the military industrial complex.
And we ignored him and have been at war ever since. Companies that produce weapons and other stuff make a lot of money. Also, really got the ball rolling in the Middle East by overthrowing a democratically elected government in Iran. Something about oil.
Franklin Delano Roosevelt. He’s always ranked really high on lists of best President’s. Depression, WWII and all that stuff. Also, pulled American citizens out of their homes and put them in camps during World War II because they looked a certain way and/or were descended from countries we were at war with. SO glad we don’t really think like that anymore…Eleanor would have been a better president.
Lyndon B. Johnson. A lot of Civil Rights legislation was signed by Johnson. Also, Vietnam.
Theodore Roosevelt. Imperialist du jour.
Abraham Lincoln. Probably the best one, right? Suspended writ of habeas corpus. There is allowances for it in the Constitution but not sure it was his to suspend and/or if he applied it correctly. Wouldn’t have freed the slaves if the Union could have been preserved without doing so. He did free them, though, so there’s that.
Harry S. Truman. You know that these United States is the only country to have used a nuclear weapon, right?
George H.W Bush. You should really read about the Bush family history sometime. Prescott Bush was a fascist. For real. Also, George H.W. Bush still does not remember where he was when JFK was killed.
Richard M. Nixon. Watergate was probably just the tip.
John Adams. Alien and Sedition Act. You can argue the Alien part, I suppose, but the Sedition part. Couldn’t criticize the government. 2nd President. So, we had one President and then the second one threw people into jail for exercising their 1st amendment rights.
Woodrow Wilson. Listen, SUPER racist.
Ronald Reagan. Either really clueless and honestly didn’t know anything, which I don’t think makes a good President or knew everything and subverted Congress and the constitution at every turn…plus really could not have cared less about AIDS and people dying of AIDS.
Andrew Johnson. Impeached but not removed from office. If Lincoln had lived, or at least had a different Vice-President the history of America could have been markedly different. Gave too much power back to the South too soon after the Civil War during Reconstruction. Presided over the implementation of so called ‘Black Codes’. Follow that to Jim Crow laws to the Civil Rights movement to some racial issues we still face in this country today…
Millard Fillmore. Fugitive Slave Act. So even if you escaped a slave state and made it to a free state this Act mandated the return of the escaped slave back to his or her “owner.”
George W. Bush. So this Middle East mess we’re in? Listen, not saying none of it was justified. Someone blew up the twin towers. It was not Iraq, though.
James Carter. We called him “Jimmy.” Not comfortable with that. Really seems like and continues to be a decent man.
Andrew Jackson. Not going to get into a whole thing. One word. Genocide.
I’m not sure where to put William Howard Taft. Was really big – like 300+ lbs. Don’t know a lot. Married a 21 year old when he was in office. Not sure what to make of that but feel like that would probably not fly in this day and age.
So vote or don’t. I mean, it’s America! You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do, even if you should.
Whatever happens, stop saying you are going to move to another country if your guy does not win. Stay and help and make sure the bad stuff you think is going to happen does not happen.
The President’s are as full of as much shit as you and I. We should understand that about President’s, all of it, the good, the bad, the ugly.
We the People defend the Constitution. We have to, because we can’t always depend on the President’s to do it.
I feel like we shouldn’t have all these statues and monuments to these Presidential and historical people. We are keep putting their likeness and names and stuff on statues and buildings and whatever. They are important people, but not always good people. And they are just people. And while we’re at it, take them all off the money. That would be one less thing we would argue about. Maybe we should replace them with a bird. Maybe a bald eagle.
Or a Caucus bird.
Caucuses, Caucuses, Cauci, Cauci!
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