#31 – Mr. Awesome’s 2016 Year in Review

“Time is a concept I don’t believe in…” text from my daughter to her Aunt

 

As I’ve said, I like lists.

I like rankings and top 10’s and best of’s.

You can probably find a ton of those kind of lists on the internet right now.  It can be pretty interesting to look back.

I’ve been hearing that 2016 was not such a great year, and I can get on board with that I guess.  Lots of your favorite celebrities passed away.  The Orange Menace was elected President.  Other stuff too.

But if I look back to 2016, from my own personal perspective, it was ok.  Wasn’t horrible.  Wasn’t spectacular either.  It was like most years, a bunch of similar days where some minor stuff happened that made a particular day or time period almost memorable.  So here are some.

Jan 5:  Got a Facebook Message from an old college friend that I hadn’t talked to in 3 years and have not seen in 14.

March 2016:  Begin painting the kitchen.  It’s long overdue.  We moved into our house in July of 2001 and it has not been painted since then.  It is really gross and I can barely stand to be in it.

Mar 10:  Got a voicemail from old college friend after avoiding his messages for 2 months.

Apr 22:  Complete my 44th revolution around the sun.  Receive 1st in a series of awesome t-shirts this year.img_3225img_3700

Apr 27:  Awesome haircut.  First different hairstyle in many years and first in a series of yearlong awesome haircuts.img_3232img_3547img_3398

Early May:  Finish painting kitchen.  I’ll burn it down before I paint it again.

June 22nd:  First family mammal pet obtained from the Humane Society.  She’s a bit mean and bites sometimes but we love her anyway.img_3383img_3448

End of June:  I literally give a one handed, shirtless man the shirt off of my back.

July 3rd:  I find out where the sidewalk ends.img_3494

July 9th-July 17th:  Northern Wisconsin vacation with in-laws.  I see a deer and a heron.  It rains 10+ inches in one night.  Major flooding and roads closed and collapsed.  We still had fun though.img_3596img_3583img_3585

July 9th:  Day of arrival up North – drunk woman breaks barrier of small bridge down the road and observable from our cabins back yard.  Car tire hangs over bridge briefly but she is able to get away before car plunges into river.  I am slightly disappointed.

Mid July after vacation:  I begin to eat better and to walk every night.  Eventually lose 10+ lbs.

Aug 6th-Aug13th:  Northern Wisconsin vaca#2 with family.  I see another deer.  Lose every type of game we play, including getting crushed at Boggle for 4th consecutive year by various family members.  Play a bunch of Shrek pinball and remember that I really like pinball.

Mid-Aug:  On walks around the neighborhood I meet the “Pig Lady.”  She sits on the lawn in front of her apartment building smoking cigarettes.  I stop and say hello and she tells me she is not a pig, that all the pigs are at the state fair that is going on.  I tell her it’s too bad for the pigs because it’s so hot it must suck for them.  We talk a few more times into late summer.

Sept 10th:  Meet up with guys from a band I hung out with in the ’90’s as they record their first songs in 20+ years.  Band led by buddy who contacted me at beginning of March.  We’ve been talking on and off all year.  Band reunion coming in March 2017.  It’s all pretty dope.

End of Sept:  Stop walking and eating well.  By end of year have gained back the 10lbs and then some.

Nov 2nd:  Cubs win World Series.  Secondary to the Cubs Hat cake I score by losing a bet that they would win.  I said I would eat a Cubs hat if I did.  The guy I bet with has an awesome cake made so I don’t have to eat a real hat.

Nov 13th:  Attend NOFX show – punk rock band from early ’90’s.  1st music show of any kind by about 20 yrs.

Nov 24th (Thanksgiving):  Win my first round of Boggle ever with a 6 point round.  Still lose game by a lot.

Dec 13th:  Attend 1st political protest as The Orange Menace is in town on his “victory” tour.  Nearly get frostbite on my toes and don’t feel warm until halfway through the next day.  Still though.

Dec 21st:  Ice dams on roof in back of house results in water leaking into kitchen and kids bedroom.  Paint job from earlier in year slightly ruined.

Dec 22nd:  Hand homeless lady holding sign at intersection where highway ends on Lisbon Ave. 5$.  Wish I had more.

Yeah, not much and not sure I would call them “highlights.”  I’m sure a bunch of other stuff happened, good and bad.  It’s just some stuff I’ve remembered.

I know all the other stuff is important, the celebrities and the politics and all of it.  It’s important to me too.

I realize, though, that sometimes I forget that real life – the real life, my real life, is more important than all of that other stuff.  I measure myself and my life and my worth against all of those other’s lives, and those other lists, and how it affects me, or how I think it affects me.

But looking back, 2016 wasn’t so bad.  It wasn’t great, either.

All that other stuff, that happens to the tiny fraction of people who are famous enough to be on TV, or in the movies, or on the internet.

I’d like to have those kinds of lives – be famous, have power, have money, influence people.

But for me, and maybe people like me – all of us really – our years are measured by the little things we remember.  We hope for the good – a child born, employment, sustainability, health.  We – I hope we all make it through the year and that our – my bad days and sad days are outweighed by the good days or the happy days.  I think most of the time a neutral day is victory enough.

I don’t mind if you have New Year’s Resolutions.  I don’t make them.  I don’t think they really work but whatever.

For me, it’s just one foot in front of the other, one day at a time, and hopefully a years worth of days will add up to something.  Hope for the best, strive and try to achieve.  That’s good stuff.

But if you’re reading this, you made it.  And if you did, then 2016 was a good year.

Let’s go get it in 2017.

 

 

 

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#30 – Random7, or Genie in a Bottle

 

Do you want to have some fun?  Are you just saying you want to have fun, or do you really want to have fun?

My posts are getting pretty heavy.  I thought I’d try something different.  The 7 or so people that read this blog seem to like these Random posts – a real crowd pleaser.  So let’s go!  (As always, I make no guarantees that I’m not repeating myself.  I suppose I could go back and look at the past 6 but eh….whatever.)

263.  Some advice – if you are ever granted 3 wishes from a genie in a bottle or lamp, your first wish always, ALWAYS, must be for unlimited wishes.  You’re welcome.

264.  To the people that only want to say ‘Merry Christmas’ – settle down.  ‘Happy Holidays’ is perfectly fine and is all inclusive and it really shouldn’t bother you that much.

265.  To all the people who don’t want people to say ‘Merry Christmas’ –  believe me I get it.  But maybe we should relax on it a little bit.  There are other battles to be fought – we cam get to that one down the road.

266.  I’ve changed my mind on #168.  I’ll play music as loud as I want.  Roll your window up if you don’t like it.  And I see you looking at me but I do not care.

267.  I’ve always liked the Beastie Boys.  I think their song Sure Shot is super cool – smooth.  I didn’t realize until recently that they name checked Rod Carew, one of the best and most underrated hitters in baseball history.  Made the song even cooler.

268.  Who is Sam Hill, and what, if you don’t understand something, did people (used) to say ‘What in the Sam Hill?’

269.  In addition to a cape, I think I’d like to get a cane and maybe a top hat.  Not a curved cane though, one of those straight fancy ones.  The ensemble would be my fancy wear for important events like weddings and funerals.

270.  Do you know where the term ‘bulldozer’ comes from?

http://www.worldwidewords.org/qa/qa-bul2.htm

271.  And ‘Head for the Hills’?  If it’s going down, why the hills?  Is it safer?

272.  Do you say ‘coo-pon’ or ‘que-pon’?  If you say the latter, what is wrong with you?

273.  I think they should make a prequel series to the Brady Bunch.  I really want to know what happened to Carols first husband and to Mikes first wife.  What’s the deal there?

274.  On the Brady Bunch, they only address the fact that the kids are step-kids and that Mike and Carol are step-parents to each other’s kids one time.  After that, it was just Mom and Dad.

275.  Are you aware of the Mandela Effect?  It’s probably not a real thing.  But (and this is true) I’ve felt for most of my life that there have been two female pitchers that have played major league baseball.  They played for either the Seattle Mariners or one of the Canadian teams.  They played in the late seventies.  One was left-handed I think and one was a submarine -type pitcher where the arm angle comes from underneath.  Neither one of them threw very hard – they relied on breaking pitches and control.  They were middle relief pitchers and did not play for very long.  They weren’t great but they weren’t awful either.  It’s weird to me that this didn’t happen because of the details I remember and that for the longest time it just felt like a fact and was not that big a deal.  I’m not sure I’ve ever told anyone about that and it seems real and super weird all at once.

276.  This is a cool little documentary series on Netflix I recently watched.  I like history and the etymology of things and it was super interesting.  I love Netflix.

277.  If I were to rank my all-time favorite MC’s, Chuck D would be #1.  I think I’d listen to him rap the phone book.

278.  These library boxes are everywhere in my neighborhood.  Is it only a Milwaukee thing or do other cities have them?  I like the idea and maybe I’ll get one.  But the ones I’ve seen never have any good books, and I’ve never seen anyone take a book out of one.  I’d want to put some cool books in mine but wouldn’t want anyone to take all my cool books.library-boxes

279.  I don’t know how they do it in your city, but Milwaukeeans have this habit of not going around people that are turning left.  So, a car is stopped waiting to turn left.  The car behind will stop too, waiting for the car to turn so they can go straight.  Instead of going around, they just sit there.  Cars line up behind, not knowing the first car is waiting to turn left.  So we all just sit there like assholes, not knowing what is going on in front of us.  The whole thing could have been avoided if the first car had just gone around.  It’s really upsetting.  What do they do that?  If you do that, what in the Sam Hill are you waiting for?  Go around!!

280.  I don’t think this is an original question, but it bears asking again – why the Braille at drive up ATM’s?  Have they been anticipating self-driving cars all of this time?

281.  Libraries don’t use card catalogs anymore, do they?  They can’t, what with computers and all.

282.  ‘Akimbo’ is an odd word.  Can ‘akimbo’ be separated from ‘arms’, as in ‘arms akimbo’?  If so, please use it in a sentence for me because I don’t see any other use for the word.

283.  It’s odd to me that Superman flies like he’s lying down.  He’s Superman – I don’t think he needs to make himself aerodynamic.  I think if I could fly I’d fly like I was standing up.  Also, he never flies sideways.

284.  I love comics and superhero movies, but I think we’re reaching an oversaturation point, or at least I am.

285.  I want to be part of the Zeitgeist, but have never been 100% sure of what that means.

286.  It’s somewhere in the Constitution that we are afforded a fair and speedy trial.  I don’t know that either one of those things happen anymore, if they ever did.  Also, I’d like a better definition of cruel and unusual punishment.

287.  Sports though – I think that grown men screaming and throwing tantrums because the do not like the way a official made a call is kind of infantile and ridiculous.  Act like a grown up.

288.  Brad Pitt is my favorite actor.  There, I’ve said it.

289.  Have I mentioned the famous Midwest racer Dick Trickle?  If I have, it bears repeating.  He was a car racer/driver, and his real name was Dick Trickle and that is awesome.

290.  My three favorite authors are Kurt Vonnegut, Ray Bradbury, and Margaret Atwood.  My three favorite books are ‘The Martian Chronicles’, ‘Slaughterhouse Five’, and ‘A Handmaid’s Tale.’

291.  I used to tell people I’m like a duck.  Smooth sailing on the surface, but paddling furiously underneath just to try and get anywhere.  I don’t feel like that so much anymore.  Just once in a while.

292.  The best thing I have ever heard is when my daughter sings to herself when she doesn’t think anyone is listening.  She’s not a particularly good singer, but when she sings softly to herself it melts me.  She used to do it more when she was younger.  I’d listen in – I couldn’t always make out the lyrics but that didn’t really matter.  She does it sometimes now when she’s in the shower.  I wish I had a recording of it.  It’s just about the sweetest thing I’ve ever heard.

293.  There’s more but I can’t always remember.  As soon as I hit ‘publish’ I’ll remember more I wanted to say.  I write a lot of them down but then can’t find where I wrote it, or can’t read my own handwriting.  But remember, three wishes, the first one has to be unlimited wishes.  Once you get them, don’t screw it up, ok?

That’s it jerks.  Now go have some Merry Holiday fun!

 

Xmas Pig!!

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#26 – Earworm, or Quart is in Session

I listen to music like I do everything else – all in or all out.

Generally I’ll get stuck on a genre, or a band, or more likely a particular song.

If I’m digging a song I’ll wear it out.  I’ll listen until I get sick of it and can no longer stand the sound of it.  It takes me a long time to get sick of a song, though, so can listen to it for a long time.  It’s kind of like the episode of SpongeBob when he had the Earworm and listened to this song over and over:

If you can find this full episode I highly recommend it.

So here is the song currently creating an earworm in my brain.  I’ll probably only listen to it 1000x more before I get sick of it.  It’s indicative of my current mood.  Check back around Thanksgiving for an update.

With lyrics:

Blah.

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#22 – Mr. Awesome’s Top10 Movies Pt.1

Movies!!

I mean, we can all agree on movies, can’t we?  We, the proverbial we and us, all we seem to do is argue about shit.  Hell, we argue about movies too.  Everyone has opinions about everything, movies included.

But we can agree that we like movies, right?  Movies are awesome!  You like them, I like them, the kids like them, everyone likes them!

Whatever you call them – motion pictures, film, cinema, talkies, the show – it’s an art form that everyone can get behind.  I feel like at some point we should call them something else as more and more “filming” of movies is done on format other than film, but it’s a catch-all I guess, and I do tend to get caught up in the semantics sometimes, so maybe I should let it go.  I guess it doesn’t really matter.

I don’t really go to the movie theater that much anymore.  There are so many less expensive at-home options, and the TV’s and home theaters keep getting bigger and better.  I usually only go to the theater if it’s a movie I’ve really been anticipating, or if it’s a cool effect-laden movie like Star Wars or whatever.  Although the 2nd two ‘prequels’ to the Star Wars Saga I refused to see in the theater because the first one – the Phantom Menace – was such an unbelievably awful load of craptacular movie garbage that I waited for the other two to come to BlockBuster (ha!  remember Blockbuster?  Where you had to go to a store to get a movie to watch at home?  And have it back by a certain date?  And before DVD’s, you had to rewind the stupid VHS tape or they would charge you for it?  Remember VHS?  Have you watched anything on VHS lately?  It’s like watching something without your glasses on, or how I’d imagine it would be to watch something under water.  It’s awful, but we didn’t know any better, did we?)

So most of the movies I see are On Demand, or on Netflix, or the Hulu and whatever else the kids use these day to watch stuff.  Movie theaters are for rich people.

I don’t watch as many movies as I used to.  I’d like too, but in my non-busy life I’m really busy.  It’s amazing that I don’t do anything and yet I don’t have time to get anything done.

But anyways, I’m trying to watch more because I like it.  It’s not like the old days when I’d go to the Blockbuster after work on a Friday and rent like 3 movies for my (now) wife and I to watch over the weekend.  I’d go every Friday until we ran out of movies to watch (the amount of crappy movies – horror movies – that we watched was unbelievable.  I don’t remember it too clearly, but one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen was a horror movie called Jeepers Creepers.  I dare you to find it and watch it.)

So wherein the olden days I’d watch 5 movies in a weekend sometimes, it now it may take me a few months plus to watch 5 movies.  Here are the last 5 movies I’ve seen, in order (I think but won’t guarantee it):

  •  Primer (very low-budget “sci-fi” movie but very grounded in a real world type of way about time travel that was really good even though I only understood about 75% of it.)
  • Oldboy (I think Spike Lee remade this but I watched the original Korean version (yes, it is subtitled).  It started out and was awesome for most of it, maybe 3/4ths of the movie,  and then went so far off the rails that I wasn’t sure what I was watching.  I wasn’t that I didn’t follow the plot or was “bad”, and actually had a good twist at the end but holy crap I did not see it coming and if I was shocked I don’t know if you should watch it.  Really, I’m warning you.  It’s good but if you watch it to the end don’t say I didn’t warn you.  At the very end I may or may not have said what did I just watch allowed to myself as the credits rolled as I watched on my iPad in the bedroom, where I watch much of my programming as the wife and the daughter monopolize the TV with their awful TV shows like the Bachelorette or whatever.  Really, I’m not telling you what to do and I do not know what types of movies you like but maybe skip this one.
  • Batman Begins (When my daughter was younger there were all kinds of movies I wanted to watch with her but I thought might scare her a bit.  I think in this day and age they are pretty liberal with the PG-13 rating.  Did you know that PG-13 did not used to be a thing?  So everything was either rated PG or R.  Movies like Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom, or Jaws, or Poltergeist were rated PG.  Now I’ve been watching movies that were probably inappropriate for my age range for a while now (my parents didn’t really monitor what we watched, especially when we first got cable TV) but I’m not going to lie that when the dude pulled the other dude’s beating heart out of his chest in Temple of Doom that it did not give me pause, to say the least.  So now the studios try to make everything PG-13 so more people are able to see it for $$ considerations, and occasionally I think they push the issue a bit.  But I really wanted my daughter to be able to watch a lot of the PG-13 movies with me.  She’s been watching them for a while now, and we’ve just now gotten around to the Christopher Nolan Batman trilogy, starting with Batman Begins.  She liked it well enough, and we have the Dark Knight ready to go but just haven’t watched it yet.
  • Zootoptia (fun little animated movie that was not Pixar or Disney (I don’t think.  I could look it up but I’m writing this and don’t feel like it.  I don’t have anything against Pixar or Disney – I actually love most of the Pixar movies (Brave was kind of weak, and I’ve never seen either of the Cars movies) but it was good and had a good message.
  • Raiders of the Lost Ar(same reason why we watched Batman Begins, though with probably at least a 20-year span from the last time I saw ROTLA, I have to tell you that I don’t think it holds up that well.  It’s ok, and I love Harrison Ford, but it’s not what I used to think it was.

That’s 1099 words of preface to the main event.  I’ve wanted to do a Top10 movie list blog for a while.  If you’ve been following along you’ve probably noticed I enjoy making lists and words and organizing them.  I’m not sure why but I like it.  I think I may do a whole bunch of Top10-type lists so I’ll start with this one.

It’s going to be in 3 parts, because this is already a ton of words and really it’s only just started.  Let’s call this part one.  I actually started this a while back but it just got too long.  So part one.  Here they are.  My Top10 movie list, from #10 to #1, 10 being awesome and #1 being the most awesome.  I’ll explicate in the other parts, but you can start chewing on it now if you want.  Or don’t whatever.

10)  GROUNDHOG DAY

9)  CADDYSHACK

8)  THE MATRIX

7) THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK

6) THE SHAWSHANK REDEMPTION

5) THE DARK KNIGHT

4) DAZED & CONFUSED

3) PULP FICTION

2) FIGHT CLUB

1)THE GODFATHER (both 1&2 – I know technically they are two movies but I count them as one.  It’s my list deal with it.)

Listen, as I type this it may be more than 3 parts.  I have a lot to say about these movies.  We’ll see.  Enjoy your day.

 

 

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#21 – Random6, or Mr. Awesome’s awesomeness

Sooo lazy.  I have so many other great and cool ideas for these blog posts.  I write ’em and type ’em and they go in these endless loops of nowhere so I delete them.  Writing is hard and don’t let anyone tell you differently.  Screw, I’ll just write one of these random post things.  You couple people keeping track like them anyways.

242.  I’m aware that people don’t say or write ‘anyways’ and the correct word is ‘anyway.’  Anyways.

243.  I’m thinking of getting one of these three designs for my next tattoo.  Maybe I’ll get them all, but not at the same time.  Target is Q1 2017.

image
A for Aaron?  Or Awesome?

 

image
A for Awesome?  Or Anarchy?

 

image
A for Aaron?  Awesome?  Anarchy?

 

 

244.  I’ve only ever read one actual published book where I knew the author.  It was a hard read.

245.  While it’s true that I skeeve (is skeeve a word?  My Grandma Carmela used to say it.  My sisters say it now.  It means you think something is gross or nasty or something.  Like something is skeevy) public restrooms and buffets and potential germs, and while it’s true that I never or rarely touch public door handles with my hands, and that if I do I try not to touch anything until I can wash my hands, and that I refuse to eat office food because everyone there is gross (well not everyone but a few is enough to spoil it for everyone) and that I have a block in my mind that does not allow me to think too hard about what may go on in the kitchen in a restaurant so I am able to eat out or that going #2 in any public bathroom MUST BE A 5 ALARM EMERGENCY OR IT IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN, and that I do not let anyone use my work phone and get very uncomfortable if people there use my keyboard or touch the mouse, and that most people know better than to sit in my seat at work because there is nothing worse than sitting in a chair and feeling the warmth of another person’s ass and that I in general check expiration dates whenever I eating at someone else’s house and that I may throw out food at home a bit earlier than is warranted, and that I think shaking hands is an outdated means of greeting (how about a fist bump?  Or a head nod?  Or a forearm bash?  Or a simple ”sup?’) and I barely wait until the person I’ve shaken hands with is out of view before I wash them or use sanitizer, I am not, in fact, a germaphobe like some people have claimed.  A lot of what I’m doing is just for effect.  I’d call me germ-concisous, or germ-aware.  I don’t really get sick that much, FYI.  Go ahead, keep shaking hands.  You’ll all get the plague someday.

246.  I know I’ve said before that’s I’d like to be cremated or some other kind of option rather than embalmed, put on display, and buried.  I came up with the best option the other day.  I told my wife I’ll like to be taken to a taxidermist and stuffed.  I told her she can just put me on the couch and everyone can go on with their lives like nothing happened.  She didn’t think that was a good idea so I told her just mount my head on the wall like a deer head or something.  The only condition is that she can’t shave off my beard.

247.  Why, when corn has not been taken out of its husk, is it called an ear?  Or is it after it’s been taken out?  Where does the ear part come from anyways?  Why not just call it corn?  Is the whole thing corn or is it corn once it’s off the cob?  People eat corn on the cob – how come when it’s the little individual corn(s?) we’re not eating corn off the cob?

248.  What is the plural of consensus?  Consensuses?  Consensi?  I like consensi better I’m going to use that.

249.  We were talking about Superman the other week at work and I wondered aloud about the feasibility of Superman and Lois Lane coupling, if you know what I mean.  So, does Superman have control in that department?  Can he slow things down, as it where?  Or is it out of his control, and if so, does it happen at super-speed?  If it is, then I feel like the first time he and Lois got together would probably be the last.

250.  It seems to me that Chinese characters are very popular as tattoos.  It made me wonder – are there a bunch of tattooed people from China walking around with cool English letters and phrases on their backs, arms, shoulders, chests or wherever?

251.  Do you know anyone who, instead of saying they went to see a movie or are going to go see a movie, instead of saying ‘movie’ they say ‘show?’  Is that a thing?  I know at least two people who say that.  Do other people say it?  Is that what people used to say?

252.  Jack Grabbit will steal your money and your honey, and it’s not funny, just so you know.  We’ve got to kill that bunny.  Don’t say I didn’t warn you.

253.  What do they call French Toast in France?  I think they actually call it something, but I feel like they should just call it toast.  In France, do they call half burnt dry Wonder Bread ‘American Toast?’

254.  Do other countries have different kinds of restaurants?  If you were visiting Italy, would/could you go to a German restaurant?  And if you live in Italy, are you ever sick of it?  “Oh Jeez, we’re having Italian again?  Can’t we get some tacos or some French Toast or something?  Jesus, I can’t eat all these carbs!”

255.  I rarely have anything like writers block.  The closest I get is something I’ve named ‘writer paralysis.’  Sometimes I have so many different things I want to write that they compete with each other and I end up not writing any of them.

256.  I’m seriously considering getting a cape.  I don’t think I’d wear it very often – it would have to be mostly for special occasions.  I think I’d wear it to the grocery store once in a while, though, just to mix it up.

257.  Where could you even buy a cape?image

258.  I’m seriously considering never wearing a tie or a suit again.  But I know I’ll have to, because of society.

259.  If you’ve read any of these blogs of mine, you have a pretty good idea of my political views.  Let me just say from experience, though, that you cannot deficit spend for ever.  Live and learn, I guess.

260.  Have you ever had an apple-pear?  It’s the most delicious fruit I’ve ever eaten.  I assume it’s some kind of human made hybrid fruit that’s probably some kind of abomination to nature and is going to make my brain melt or something.  I don’t care.  I’d eat them everyday if I could.

261.  I am currently playing a character.  I haven’t decided if the character’s name is Mr. Awesome or Aaron.

262.  See, as I was saying, awful and awesome are the same word.  Something can be awesomely bad or awfully good.  How do you know which is the right one to use?

I see you made it to the end.  That wasn’t so bad, was it?  That was a quick one, like a little appetizer.  There’s more, always more, but that’s enough for now.  Now get off of the internet and go do something constuctive, would ya?

image
 A chihuahua surrounded by apple-pairs

 

 

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#14 – Random4, or more things I wonder about

Some things you know, some things you don’t know, some things you think you know, some things you know you don’t know, some things you don’t know you don’t know.

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image

These are not all, but these are many of the words I’ve written

***

fight club
This is how I see the world with too many words stuck in my head

***

I make no promises that I will not repeat myself from previous “random” posts.

151.  I do not like strawberries but really like strawberry flavor.

152.  I do not speak any other languages, even after 8 years of Spanish class.  Do other languages have so many words that sound the same?  To, two, too.  There, their, they’re.  Your, you’re.  Great, grate.  Right, write.  By, buy, bye.  Minute, minute.  Accept, except.  Know, no.  Why not just make up different words?  Did they run out?

153.  There’s like two or three countries, including the US, that do not use the metric system.  Why is that?  How do you even translate miles into kilometers?  Another case for American exceptionalism?

154.  I use curse words as easily as I breathe and almost no word is out of bounds.  Except the word piss.  It’s too crass.  Pissed off is fine.

155.  My favorite day of the week is Wednesday.

156.  My favorite time of the day is the morning, especially when it’s still dark out.

157.  When I was younger my brother and I watched the hell out of professional wrestling.  I remember being disappointed when I realized it was not real.  I cheered for Hulk Hogan but secretly Andre the Giant was my favorite.  I liked Randy “Macho Man” Savage’s Slim Jim commercials.  Oh yeah!image

158.  Science fiction television shows, movies and books usually portray alien races as homogenous.  Based on Earth, though, I think it’s presumptuous to assume that an entire planet would have beings that all look exactly the same and speak the same language.

159.  I understand that we need money.  But sometimes it perplexes me that a piece of paper can determine a person’s worth and determine their destiny.  Someone has more paper than someone else and that makes them a better person?

160.  You’re own reality is the only reality.

161.  Sometimes I wonder if when I close my eyes everything disappears.  Or if anything even exists before and after I perceive it.  How do you know that when you turn a corner everything behind you doesn’t instantly disappear?  How can you disprove that?  If a tree falls in the woods and no one is there to hear it…

162.  Don’t you think that through the eyes of the British that the American colonists were a bunch of treasonous terrorists?

163.  I am a conscientious driver.  I think I realized the other day that I may not be a good driver.  My mind wanders too much and sometimes I have arrived at my destination without completely recalling how I got there. (Side note – I got in a car accident on the very day I received my drivers license.   I probably had it for 2 hours.  Also, I got into a car accident on the very first date I had with my wife.  The first one may or may not have been my fault.  The second one definitely was.)

164.  How many car accidents have you been in?  I’ve been in 4.  Is that a lot?  What’s the average?

165.  My shoes will not stay tied.  I feel like they stayed tied when I was younger.  One time at work I stepped on my shoelace getting up from my desk and fell backwards.  It was one of the defining moments of my working career.  Shoelaces are a big problem in my life and I wear a lot of shoes that don’t have them.  I should probably look into works shoes that stay on with Velcro.

166.  Shockingly, I was curious about something the other day.  I looked up how far it is from the ground to outer space.  How far do you think it is?

167.  Don’t you sometimes feel like you are either the only sane person in an insane world or the only insane person in a sane world?

168.  I play music super loud when no one else is around, especially in the car.  But when I have to stop at a red light I turn it down because I don’t want to be that guy.

169.  It’s about 90-100 miles or 145-161 kilometers from the ground straight up to outer space.  If they could build an inclined road that far up you could drive to space in like two hours max.  I thought it would be a lot higher than that!

170.  I’ve recently decided I don’t like convertible cars.  They don’t seem very practical and I think the roof looks stupid.  Apologizes if you own one – I’m not calling you stupid I’m calling your car stupid.

171.  Aren’t there some turtles and/or tortoises that live for a super long time?   Like hundred(s) of years?  How is that even possible?  Dogs and cats live for what, 15 years but turtles get to live forever?  Why aren’t we getting in on some turtle DNA longevity potion or something?

172.  If you live in an apartment or house that you did not have built or you were not the original owner of, do you ever wonder how many people may have died in your house?  If you don’t, are you now?

173.  What if you didn’t have to sleep?  What would you do?  Do you think you’d visit friends and have all these hobbies?  Or would you just end up super bored?

174.  If I were ever to form a band we would be called The Whispering Eyes.  You heard me.

175.  If I won a lottery or somehow became independently wealthy I’d want to hope I’d be very altruistic and charitable.  I know myself well enough to know that I probably would not be.  I do have some great plans, though, and they include tattoos (including a prominent neck tattoo), pets (a bunch of cats for my daughter, at least one goat, and a 009-funny-animal-gifs-jumping-goat[1]Chihuahua for me that I could carry around in a bag or in my pocket), a bunch of cars (including all kinds of small cars like smart cars, a Volkswagen,  whatever Matt Damon was driving in the first Born Identity like a mini-Cooper or whatever.  Also, a Humvee or maybe a retrofitted tank that I could drive on the road.  At least one of the cars would be fitted with the old-time car horns.  Plus, a moped type vehicle like a Vespa that I could put a basket on and drive the Chihuahua around in.  I think the dogs name would be Kiwi, like a dog my wife and I saw in a store in Mexico once that I wanted to steal) and all kinds of crazy hairstyles (including mohawks, dying, stripes, rattails, mullets, whatever.)  I’d have my wife and daughter buy/build any kind of house anywhere they would like but I’m pretty sure I’d live in a tiny house in the yard with Kiwi.

Kiwi
The real Kiwi

I’d also host a party where I would burn all of my suits, dress shirts and pants, khakis, ties, dress shoes and black socks.  You would all be invited.

 

176.  There is nothing in #175 that I am kidding about.

177.  I like coffee.  I drink it in the morning to help me wake up and start my day.  The longer I drink it during the day, though, the more tired I get.

178.  A guy at work said something was “rock-ass solid” the other day.  I liked it and told him that I was going to steal it as my new motto.  From now on, everything is Rock-Ass Solid.

179.  The Mayfair Mall in Wauwatosa, Wisconsin is the most ethically diverse place you can go anywhere in Southeastern Wisconsin, which is not otherwise known for its diversity.  I could sit at the mall and watch people walk by all day, especially right outside the Apple store.

180.  I think a good movie would be showing what Forrest Gump did in between the times he was running across the country.  Seems like he must have gotten into all kinds of mischief.image

181.  Polka dots are those dots on clothing or whatever.  I feel like people pronounce those as “pok-a” dots, or at least I do.  Polka is also a kind of dance, and most people pronounce the “l” in polka.  I’m not really sure what a polka dot or a polka dance is and how they are related.

182.  We’ve come to accept a certain amount of “traveling” in NBA professional basketball and I don’t really like it but it is what it is.  They used to call traveling all the time in college basketball but they don’t seem to as much anymore.  I’m not sure why but that bothers me.

183.  The fact is that unless you catch me off guard chances are I’ve practiced what I am going to say to you multiple times in my head before I say it to you, regardless of who you are.

184.  I’ve been listening to a lot of Pandora radio lately.  Sometimes I put on the “Grunge” station.  Sometimes on their “Grunge” station a Metallica (??) song will come on.  At those moments I feel like I’ve missed something entirely, something very important.

185.  I’ve decided to use the word ‘literally’ more, and to use it when referring to things figuratively.

186.  Any temperature over about 65 degrees F or 18 degrees C starts to be too hot for me.

187.  I’m not saying I don’t like sunny days.  I do like when it rains, though, especially a slow drizzly rain on a warm spring day.

188.  Why do 3 of the seasons have one name but one of them have two?  Why don’t we call Spring ‘Grow’ or Summer “Hot” or Winter “Snow’?

189.  Does MTV even exist anymore?  What shows do they show?  Does Kurt Loder still do the news?  I know I could watch any music video I wanted to online these days, but if MTV still showed videos all day I think I would watch.

190.  I’m disappointed in sports figures who have used steroids or other performance enhancing drugs.  I’m fairly confident, though, that if there was enough money on the table for me to gain by taking them I would take them too.

191.  We all have sold out at least a little bit, haven’t we?

192.  What are the rules for flying the American Flag at half-mast when someone or someones have died?  Who decides?  How long?  I’m sure there are rules.

193.  In the book and movie “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” Willy Wonka tells the children that the “strawberries taste like strawberries.  The snozzberries taste like snozzberries.”  All of the guests try the edible wallpaper.  It has only been within the past year that I learned what a “snozzberry” is and I have not been able to see the movie in the same way ever since.2ns5r0y[1]

194.  I think you can admire or even “worship” brave and heroic actions.  But if you have idols or hero worship of a person you will invariably be disappointed.

195.  I think the US prides itself on the idea of individualism, but at the end of the day we want everyone to be the same.

196.  Sometimes I think we’d all be better off if we were the same.  The problem would be whose sameness would we pick to be?

197.  In Star Wars, A New Hope the Empire blows up Princess Leia’s home planet of Alderaan as a way of getting her to reveal where the rebel base was located and to test out their new Death Star.  So Princess Leia is one of the, if not the sole survivor of an entire plant and people.  Imagine if you were the last person alive after a fascist space regime blew up the Earth.  Anyone you ever knew from your relatives to your 1st grade teacher to the dude that bags your groceries at the store would have died.  All history and culture and animal species unique to Earth would be gone in an instant.  Leia seems sad for a moment.  Cut to a few scenes later when Han and Luke are rescuing her and she’s cracking wise with both of them and is pretty feisty for the rest of the movie and the rest of the series.  I feel tumblr_m69afkg3mu1qbw7q9o1_r1_250[1]like the blowing up of your home planet would break a person entirely.  At the very least it would upset them a little more.  Maybe it’s just me, though.

198.  You know a lot of stuff and are probably right a lot of the time.  But if you think you are right all of the time you are kind of an asshole.

199.  Listen.  This whole Donald Trump thing is definitely something, disturbing and revealing.  I’m not 100% sure it’s real, though.  Maybe Donald Trump is the greatest imageperformance artist of all time and we’re being punked.  If so I say bravo, Mr. Trump, bravo.

200.  For reasons, I would now like to be referred to as Mr. Awesome.  Literally.

 

 

 

#15 – Byron4, or Hybrid Theory

Read more "#14 – Random4, or more things I wonder about"

#10 – Random3, or randomness

Randomness

ran•dom•ness

NOUN
  1. the quality or state of lacking a pattern or principle of organization; unpredictability: “we accept randomness in our own lives but we crave logic in art”
  2. informal oddness or eccentricity: “we tease her for her complete randomness

     

    ***

 

101.  Of all the lights, red is my least favorite, followed by yellow.  Traffic light are the bane of my existence.

Bane
No, not that Bane.

102.  My favorite amendments to the Constitution are the 1st and 14th.

103.  English grammar is very confusing to me.  ‘I’ before ‘E’ except after ‘C’ right?  What about the word ‘weird’?  ‘Perceive’?  ‘Receipt’?  ‘Deceive?’  How many exceptions can there be before it’s not really a rule anymore?

104.  The first ‘F’ I ever got in school was high school freshman year in photography class.

105.  If you call a person of African decent a monkey or gorilla it is horribly offensive.  Whoever started that ruined two awesome sports team mascots.  (The Rally Monkey and the Phoenix Suns Gorilla do not count.)rally-monkey-o

106.  When I was a kid my brother and I would throw snowballs at cars while we walked to and from school.

107.  I used to get so mad at work that when I did they called it ‘Going Como.’

108.  I like the movie ‘Grease 2’ and I’m not really apologetic about it.

109.  When classical music was popular, what did they call it?

110.  How did people know what to eat before they knew what everything was?

111.  I like rap music.  Most rap music is made by solo artists these days I liked it better when there were rap groups.  My favorite part of rap groups are were the hype men.  How could you not like Flavor Flav?

Flavor flav
Yeah, boy!

112.  I like raisins better than grapes but am not a huge fan of either.

california-raisins

113.  I liked the Smurfs but the try not to think too hard about the implications of Smurfette being the only female Smurf.

Jealous_Smurfette
What the Smurf?

 

 

114.  When ‘alternative’ music hit the mainstream in the ’90’s should it have still been called ‘alternative’?

115.  I want to believe in parallel universes.

116.  I find it odd that Mickey Mouse has a pet.

pluto
Yo dog everyone else can talk

 

117.  When my daughter is grown and an independent adult I would like to live in one of these Ecocapsules.  I’ve tried to convince my wife to no avail.  http://www.ecocapsule.sk/

eco-capsule
I want to get off the grid!

118.  A flat head screwdriver perfectly describes what kind of screwdriver it is.  Why is the other one called a ‘Phillips’?  Who is this ‘Phillip’?  Why are there two different kinds?  Don’t get me started on the Allen Wrench.

119.  Truth is subjective.  If that is true, can anything else be?

120.  Why is/was a psychologist or therapist called a ‘shrink’ or ‘head shrinker?’

121.  The name ‘Herbert’ can be abbreviated to ‘Herb’ and the H is pronounced.  When you pronounce the word ‘herb’ the H is silent.  I think we should pick one or the other.

122.  Why is it ‘lemonade’ but not ‘grapeade’ or ‘appleade’ or orangeade’?

123.  I’ve noticed that no one does the Hokey Pokey at weddings anymore.

124.  The Macarena is now a wedding song staple.  If they sang it in English I don’t think it would be as popular.  Macarena is a woman and she’s making some questionable life choices.

125.  I’m pretty brand loyal even when it’s not in my best interests.

126.  The older I get the bigger my ears are.  They are either growing or drooping.

127.  The actress Charlize Theron was born in South Africa.  She became an American citizen in 2007.  Is she an African-American?

128.  One of my goals in life is to read/watch everything in my Facebook saved links. #goals

129.  I’ve read that when you recall a memory you are actually remembering the last time you remembered it, not the actual occurrence.  Like a copy of a copy of a copy…

130.  I feel like ‘right to a fair and speedy trial’ and ‘cruel and unusual punishment’ are not defined clearly enough.

131.  You can get ‘Nick’ from the name ‘Nicholas’.  Why don’t we call someone named ‘Mick’ ‘Mickolas’?

132.  Do you say ‘car-mel’ or ‘Car-a-mel’?  I say carmel but carmel is not an actual word.

133.  If you are wearing pants you have on a ‘pair of pants.’  How many is two pairs of pants, two or four?  Why is one pair two?  Underwear, eyeglasses, goggles, binoculars have the same designation.  But why isn’t a bra a pair?

134.  In the original Star Wars trilogy they never use the term ‘Sith’ when talking about Darth Vader or the Emperor.

135.  A key component of a Sith is anger.  If the Force was with me I’d want to be a Jedi but would definitely become a Sith.tumblr_lwovyeqyvn1qdc2k0o1_500

136.  When does morning start?  12am?  But if you wake up when it’s still dark out you usually say you woke up in the middle of the night.  Morning usually ends at noon.  But when does evening start?  Isn’t all time after noon afternoon?  Isn’t 10pm afternoon?  When does evening end and night start?

137.  Remember ‘Hands Across America?’  I recall it didn’t really work.  Maybe we should try again I think we could do better.

138.  When did we start with the ‘wind chill’ and ‘heat index’?  If the wind chill is say -10 degrees should that just be the temperature?  How can the temperature be two different things at once?

139.  What is the difference between a street, a lane, a road, and avenue, a place?  I feel like we should standardize what we call roads that people live on.

140.  Why doesn’t the word ‘xylophone’ start with a Z?

141.  What exactly is ‘ex’?  Why is ‘ex’ sometime hyphenated and sometimes part of the word?  Why wouldn’t something like ‘ex-girlfriend’ be ‘exgirlfriend’?  Should we be saying ‘ex-citement’?

142.  Wobbly and uneven tables drive me crazy.

143.  When did athletes in non football sports start using mouth guards?  I can see it in basketball and hockey, but baseball?  Also, when did football players stop attaching their mouth guards to their helmets?  Every time they take them out of their mouths and put it between their helmet and facemask I throw up a little in my mouth.

144.  What is the backstory of Caspar the Friendly Ghost?  He’s a kid, right?  How did he die?  Why are the other ghosts so mean to him?  Why does he haunt Wendy?  I’m not sure there isn’t something else going on with the whole story.

casper the friendly ghost
Toughen up, Casper

 

145.  When there a King he rules over his Kingdom.  If the Queen is in charge is it ever a Queendom?

freddy mercury
King of the Queendom?

 

146.  I’m not a fan of attaching ‘hardcore’ to a sentence.  Instead of saying you did something well, people will say, ‘You did that so hardcore’!

147.  What exactly does ‘laughingstock’ mean?

148.  Where does the phrase ‘in a pickle’ come from?

149.  College names or nicknames that I enjoy:

butte-pirates
High school, not a college

  • Ball State
  • Oregon State Beavers
  • South Carolina Gamecocks
  • Wichita State Shockers

150.  #teamroadrunner or #teamcoyote?rr-coyote

 

Meep Meep!

 

#11 – Hail to the Chief

Read more "#10 – Random3, or randomness"